"I never thought to ask if you were cold hearted" - ZacBrownBand

The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster with Mr. Unattainable.  Last time I blogged about him I really wanted a relationship with him.  However, I am at the point where if this thing is meant to be just fun then bring on the fun, forget our “relationship status”.  Which apparently hurt his feelings, since I was later bombarded with serious conversations about his feelings and his longing to be with me.  After asking A why guys in my life are so emotional, she kindly reminded me that they need to be in order to balance out my “cold heart”…oh right, I forgot.

Trying to plan a weekend to visit and talk face to face has been a headache.  He is taking weekend courses and I am too broke to travel to City Far Away right now.  Even though I was away with friends for the better part of the weekend, I was able to have a brief but excellent visit with Mr. Unattainable today.  He was in Nearby City visiting his nieces and asked that I stop by.  We went shopping and were able to get away for a little while to talk just the two of us.  We talked about his new job, my search for a job, and his desire to see me more often.  I have a hard time talking about my feelings to anyone, so I mostly just agreed with everything he said.  He seems to be interested in me, to the point of him asking me to move and buy a house with him in Yucky Suburb Far Away.  To which I laughed off as if he was joking…though I’m not really sure he was. 

After a few hours of him dropping too much money on his nieces, we parted ways (not without some over the top PDA in the parking lot…which I am feeling too old for).  He promises that he is coming to visit next weekend, and depending on if they are around or at the beach house he says he might even be willing to meet my parents.  My trust in men (and all humans) is at an all time low right now, so I will believe this visit when I see it. 

Until Next Time,

Kiki

What Was He Thinking Wednesday: The Doctor Edition

I’m tired of filling in the What Was He Thinking while writing, I feel like you all are smart enough to figure out why this post has landed a Wednesday slot.

About a year ago I met The Doctor, online of course.  Not only was The Doctor tall, dark, and a doctor, but he had a super dreamy accent.  Picture a 6’4”, big dude (football player type), then toss on a Nigerian/British accent.  It was hot. 

We met for drinks for our first date, he was late – really late - which made me mad.   After he arrived though, the date went well.  He was somewhat shy, but we talked about goals and life.  The Doctor was 34, seemed really motivated, family oriented, and excited about life.  We of course exchanged numbers and decided to make another plan.

After our first date, The Doctor and I spoke often.  We hung out a few times a week, went bowling, got fancy dinners, grabbed drinks at swanky city spots, and enjoyed underground music performances.  After about 3 weeks, The Doctor still hadn’t even tried for a kiss.  What was wrong with me, or him?  So finally, I decided to make a move.  I was so brave, and it went really well. 

The Doctor and I had fun for the next couple of months.  He never made an attempt for any commitment, and I was okay with that. 

Knowing how much I wanted to see Alice In Wonder Land, The Doctor got us tickets for opening night.  My dog had just been hit by a car (but was okay…sort of), so I was a super grouch.  I had to park and walk in the rain.  The theatre was small, dirty, and smelly.  The Doctor was dressed like a thug, and didn’t smell like his delicious self.  The movie was good, and we went to grab hot chocolate afterwards.  During the conversation it came up that he was tired of working from home.  Huh? How does a doctor work from home?  I’m pretty sure his response was “wait what?” .  Turns out The Doctor is not a doctor.  He is in fact a research writer for some online medical supply catalog.  He is in grad school, but not Med school.  He was studying for his Med exams, but had been studying for 5 years.  We hung out a few more times, but it was awkward.  We talked less often and eventually stopped talking all together.

Pretty typical for my dating experiences…Mr. Right is out there…right?

Until Next Time,

Kiki

Hopelessly in Lust

In two weeks I will be “celebrating” my one year anniversary with the guy I might probably be in love lust with, but he will not be celebrating it in return.  Let me explain…

A year ago I met Mr. Unattainable in a bar.  He was super polite and kind of cute (meeting my requirements of tall, dark and athletic) but I still totally tried to get away without his number.  Fortunately, he caught me and forced it into my contact list.  The reason I didn’t care for his number is that I was visiting a friend, 4 hours away – so what do I care about some guy I will never hear from in a City Far Away? 

About a week later, I was moving along my daily life without a care in the world, when Mr. Unattainable texted me.  We chatted for a while, and turns out he’s funny and smooth too – uh oh!  Next time I went to visit my girl in City Far Away I let him know and we grabbed lunch before I caught my bus home.  It was fun and we continued to talk after that point.  Since then, when I visit my girl in City Far Away I make sure to hang out with him, and he has come to visit a bunch of times over the past year.

Since about August I have been comparing every guy I meet to Mr. Unattainable.  This is a problem because it seems that no one compares!  So now I am thinking that maybe I want to try and be together and make this work.  I know we live 4 hours away from each other, but whatever, it totally works for some people.  However, Mr. Unattainable has some quirks that frustrate the hell out of me.  Number one being that he NEVER talks about what he sees us as.  I have tried (sort of) to mention that I wish we were more serious, and I never realize he is dodging the conversation until it is over.  When I mention that I am just a booty call, he does get upset and try to convince me it is so much more than that…but what is it then? Friends with benefits? YUCK 

Another quirk is that Mr. Unattainable refuses to meet my family.  Normally I would be okay with this, but I have met his ENTIRE family (without warning).  On one of his visits to Suburbia we were out shopping, getting dinner when randomly he mentions his nieces live nearby and we MUST visit.  So we brought them to dinner with us, which reminded him that his brother worked nearby so we HAD to visit.    Then, during one of my visits to him in City Far Away (where he lives with his family) I was woken by him saying “come out and say hi to everyone” (everyone being his sister, mother, and brother-in-law).  Trying to smooth out my nasty-sex-hair, fix my makeup, and make his boxers and t-shirt from the night before look appropriate for the Sunday morning church crowd, I made lady-like introductions with his family.  Every time he visits, my parents (remember the single suburbanite lives with family) are out of town.  Mr. Unattainable swears he is “scared” that they won’t approve of him being a different race, and I am so tired of trying to convince him they don’t care!

I really do look so forward to hearing from and seeing Mr. Unattainable, but at the same time this all causes me much stress.  I really am want to be a drama free girl.  So now I am at the point where I want to give him the “we are together, or we are nothing” talk…or just try to wean myself off of him and move on.  So that is where I am this week.  I will try to keep updating on what happens with Mr. Unattainable, and I am sure I will write about him in the What Was He Thinking portion of my blog at some point!

Until Next Time,

Kiki

What Was He Thinking Wednesday: The Party Boy Edition

At some point it is my goal to blog every day, but for now I am starting slow with trying once a week.

This week I’m elaborating on The Party Boy.  We spoke very briefly online before he asked me out for coffee.  We met at a super groovy spot, where I had to walk into the creepy basement, round the corner and then try to find him.  He didn’t look as cute as his pictures and spoke NOTHING like the overly proper English he wrote/texted with.  But he was friendly, tall, and had an adorable smile.  After chatting for an hour he asks “What’s next?”.  I honestly thought we were just getting coffee.  For whatever reason, he decided it would be a good idea at mid-afternoon to buy a few bottles of champagne and go back to his place to play “Life”.  This was the first What Was He Thinking, and hence the name.  At this point you’re probably thinking how sketchy it is that I actually decided to go along with all of this, but The Party Boy had a way of bringing out this side of me.

After playing “Life” and finishing close to 3 bottles of champagne, he remembered his friend was having a holiday party that we HAD to attend.  At this point he started preparing his “to go bag”, which included several illegal drugs.  I’m not a participator in such activities, but I’m also not one to judge – though I don’t judge this was my second What Was He Thinking.  We headed to the party and had a blast.  This was my longest first date in history – 13 hours to be exact.  At the end of the date, I sort of had a What Was He Thinking moment, but had to remind myself how wasted he was.  He stood there gushing about how much he likes me and he hasn’t felt this way in forever, yada yada.  I’m not a fan of rushing things, so I felt super uncomfortable. 

Even though it was totally an immature and inappropriate date, I actually enjoyed myself…a lot! 

We decided to go on a second date – dinner and a movie.  It was pretty standard, and we had fun and good conversation. 

For a third date we actually rode back from New York City together.  He has asked for a ride after New Years since we were both in the city, and I figured the company would be good.  This time together was the beginning of the downfall (note to self, don’t spend so much time in a car with someone you are just getting to know).  The first What Was He Thinking was touching me the whole 5 hours!!!  I’m a non toucher, and he kept rubbing my neck.  Seriously, the skin on my neck was numb by the time we got to his place.  Also, What Was He Thinking when it came to talking about beliefs and religion, I made mine very clear and he proceeded to mock me…not cool!

After the car ride we had one more awkward date.  There were a few What Was He Thinkings when it came to getting physical, but since I don’t know how anonymous this blog really is I will spare you the details.  We essentially just stopped talking to each other.  Which I thought was mutual, until I bumped into him last week and got the glare…

Until Next Time,
Kiki

Not So Friendly Greetings

Back in December I met The Party Boy via online dating– he was a fun one!  Seriously, he was fun.  Maybe too fun.   However, again with the lifestyles…we did not work together.  I’ll get into that more on next Wednesdays What Was He Thinking.  For today, all I am writing about is how I bumped into him yesterday on the T.  I was walking, and in my typical manner I was checking out every tall guy that walked by.  Suddenly, I recognized someone tall, with an amazing smile and I was like OMG it’s The Party Boy!  Then he saw me, scowled and walked by.  HARSH!  It ended in mutual agreement (I thought?), don’t go scowling at me!

Until Next Time,
Kiki

What Was He Thinking Wednesday: The Dad Edition

After a bit of a break from blogging (yes after 2 posts!), I am ready to get back at it.  So this week I am starting What Was He Thinking Wednesday.  On Wednesdays, I will go into detail about the foolish boys in my past.  These may be long, so feel free not to read ;)

This week’s episode is about The Dad.  We met online of course, and things started off pretty well.  The online portion consisted of really well written messages, he responded in detail (a rarity) to questions, and was very upfront about his baby/baby momma situation (another rarity).  After messaging for a few weeks, The Dad dropped off.  This is pretty typical, so on to the next.

Two months later, The Dad shows up again.  We decide to exchange numbers and have a few phone conversations.  The conversations were great; we would talk for hours on end.  Finally, he worked up the courage to ask me out.  The only problem is he lives an hour away and doesn’t have a car.  I decided we seemed to connect so maybe it was worth it, plus I had nothing to lose.

I drove to his town, where we met at a local coffee shop.  He doesn’t look as dreamy as his photos (do they ever?).  He planned a walking tour of his town (a cute idea since it has a lot of historical spots).  However, this is where the first What Was He Thinking occurs:  It is raining, no pouring.  I anticipate a change in plans, but he has an umbrella (a small umbrella) and decides the tour will go on.  After 40 minutes I am soaking wet, getting grouchy, and want to leave.  The Dad recommends that we hit up the arcade.  A sucker for arcades, I change into my sweatpants and hoodie (it was summer which is when I travel a lot, so I was prepared with extra clothes in my car!). 

We head over to the local arcade, play one game and bump into his 2 brothers, nieces, and best friend.  Being a small town, I don’t doubt that this was a mere coincidence.  However, this is where the second What Was He Thinking occurs:  I spend the next two hours WATCHING him play games with his brothers and friend, and trying to entertain myself through small talk with his 10 year old nieces.  After two hours, I am DEFFINATELY ready to head home (this is where you will notice I am too nice and give too many chances).  The Dad offers to take me out for dinner (sandwiches at a local deli).  I figure after one of the worst dates ever, he at least owes me food.

While at the deli we talk for a few hours, same type of conversation as on the phone.  Super easy, very comfortable…I’m actually having fun.  I drive him home where he continues to say he doesn’t want to get out of my car.  I’m uncomfortable.  I try to give a hug, as a cue to get out.  He doesn’t let go for at least a minute and a half (in hugging time that’s long, and I don’t like to hug).  I’m even more uncomfortable.  Finally, he removes himself from my car.

After this date I have much to consider.

I was leaning towards not seeing him again (really leaning), but he was really sweet and persistent.  So I gave The Dad another chance.  He tried to get me to a friend’s birthday party last minute, and after declining I agreed to meet him for dinner.

The Dad opened conversation with what was the third What Was He Thinking: he told me extensively how disappointed his friends were that I wasn’t at the party.  He had told them I would be there and all about me.  I’m uncomfortable.

I changed the topic to sports.  He doesn’t play sports.  I’m uncomfortable.

He changes the subject to his mother.  And this is the fourth and final What Was He Thinking:  The Dad informs me that he wishes I hadn’t been sick the previous weekend (perhaps from walking around in the rain…).  He had really wanted to invite me to his parents’ house to meet his mother.  Sunday family dinners are very important to him, and how great would it be if I could be a part of it?  I’m all for Sunday family dinners, but after one date!?!  I’m out! 

After this final date, I gave The Dad a text stating something along the lines of our lifestyles just being too different, and this is where it ended.  To this day when I tell people about The Dad, I can’t help but wonder, WHAT WAS HE THINKING!?!

Until Next Time,

Kiki

Too young to be not so single...

Online dating has played a role in my life for many years.  All the way back to eighth grade!  At the time, I would not have referred to it as “online dating”, but that is exactly what we were doing. 

My friends and I were chat room girls.  Every night we would log onto AOL (queue the dialup sound effects) from our respected homes, choose a chat room, and start chatting it up.  We had pre-set stories of who we were, where we were from, and how old we were.  From time to time, someone would say “Aren’t you Kiki from Suburbia?” and we would freak, giggle, and change our screen names.  Funny how the online world can be so small.  Then again, we would sometimes chat for weeks with guys and eventually have our moms drop us at the mall to meet up.  Looking back, we were those stupid girls that you question who is parenting them and how they allow their children to act so irresponsibly.  In response to that I say, we were teenagers, and very, very sneaky. 

Sometimes we would hang out with the guys for a few weeks, and other times we were horrified and never spoke again.  One guy in particular (we will call him Teddy Bear, since I still have the stuffed animal he gave me), actually played the role of a boyfriend for a while.  I have random memories of awkwardly holding hands at parties, kissing in the mall parking lot, and using a bag of quarters to call him from a payphone.  Being a New Englander, my family “vacations” in the summer.  Teddy Bear’s mom got mad about the long distance phone calls so we lost touch without the convenience of cell phones and texting.  Things weren’t the same after those long 8 weeks, and we never spoke again.

While Teddy Bear was my first “real” boyfriend, and was met online, he is not the most important online guy in my life.  At some point in high school there was a friend of a friend (BR) who randomly IMed me one night.  He was intelligent, interesting, and super funny.  We remained good friends for years, and I always felt he was one of the few men in my life I could truly count on.  Having an older guy as a reliable male figure in one’s life inevitably caused problems within relationships, but it was well worth it. In more recent years we have lost touch a bit, though I still feel that I could call on him if ever I need to. 

While at lunch recently, random female friend informed me (10 years late?) that I broke BR’s heart by always seeming to be with and interested in other people.  I had no idea that through all those years he was interested.  I always felt that he treated me like the little sister.  This of course has me thinking about the past, and future.  Last night I was describing this fellah and our situation to A, and I wondered “Is BR my Big?”  He is older, and so respectable towards me, and I crushed on him all through high school and college.  So now, I am sitting here pondering if it is too late to rekindle a long lost lust, or if it is possible to rekindle something that was never kindled.

Until Next Time, 

Kiki 

Single Suburbanite

Like many girls my age, I grew up watching Sex and the City.  I spent many episodes pondering the age old question, “Am I a Carrie? Or maybe I’m more of a Charlotte.”  Over the years, it has been decided that I am most definitely a Carrie.  Carrie Bradshaw has tragic fashion (in a fabulous way), an even more tragic love life, and the ability to not care about the price of excellent heels.  Yes, I’m definitely a Carrie; except my life hasn’t been turned into a motion picture about my tragically romantic life with “Big”, ending in an adorable city hall wedding and the inevitable happily ever after.  Also, I’m not so single in the city – I’m single in the suburbs. 

Being twenty-eight and searching for love is tough.  Doing so in a town with a population of 5,000 makes it slightly more difficult.  Suburbia is mostly populated my married or elderly widowed men.  If a man is 30 and single living in Suburbia, chances are he is what we refer to as a “Townie”.  The townie typically is broke, has a not so great smile, and has a wardrobe of “camo”, hunting orange, and work boots.  Townies do know how to have fun and drive hot trucks, so that is a plus.

After spending the better part (6 years) of the “best years of my life” with someone that could never love me as much as I loved him, here I am.  Living with my parents and actively searching for Mr. Right.  How does one search for Mr. Right in Suburbia?  Online dating of course.  The past two years have been a whirl-wind of emotions, and filled entertaining phone calls to friends to laugh about the awful dates.  It helps that I have friends going through this with me.  Our stories are too good not to be heard, and for that I am here to publish our dating lives.  Hopefully our stories will help educate women on how to find Mr. Right, and educate guys on how not to be so stupid (maybe).

Until Next time,

Kiki