Online dating has played a role in my life for many years. All the way back to eighth grade! At the time, I would not have referred to it as “online dating”, but that is exactly what we were doing.
My friends and I were chat room girls. Every night we would log onto AOL (queue the dialup sound effects) from our respected homes, choose a chat room, and start chatting it up. We had pre-set stories of who we were, where we were from, and how old we were. From time to time, someone would say “Aren’t you Kiki from Suburbia?” and we would freak, giggle, and change our screen names. Funny how the online world can be so small. Then again, we would sometimes chat for weeks with guys and eventually have our moms drop us at the mall to meet up. Looking back, we were those stupid girls that you question who is parenting them and how they allow their children to act so irresponsibly. In response to that I say, we were teenagers, and very, very sneaky.
Sometimes we would hang out with the guys for a few weeks, and other times we were horrified and never spoke again. One guy in particular (we will call him Teddy Bear, since I still have the stuffed animal he gave me), actually played the role of a boyfriend for a while. I have random memories of awkwardly holding hands at parties, kissing in the mall parking lot, and using a bag of quarters to call him from a payphone. Being a New Englander, my family “vacations” in the summer. Teddy Bear’s mom got mad about the long distance phone calls so we lost touch without the convenience of cell phones and texting. Things weren’t the same after those long 8 weeks, and we never spoke again.
While Teddy Bear was my first “real” boyfriend, and was met online, he is not the most important online guy in my life. At some point in high school there was a friend of a friend (BR) who randomly IMed me one night. He was intelligent, interesting, and super funny. We remained good friends for years, and I always felt he was one of the few men in my life I could truly count on. Having an older guy as a reliable male figure in one’s life inevitably caused problems within relationships, but it was well worth it. In more recent years we have lost touch a bit, though I still feel that I could call on him if ever I need to.
While at lunch recently, random female friend informed me (10 years late?) that I broke BR’s heart by always seeming to be with and interested in other people. I had no idea that through all those years he was interested. I always felt that he treated me like the little sister. This of course has me thinking about the past, and future. Last night I was describing this fellah and our situation to A, and I wondered “Is BR my Big?” He is older, and so respectable towards me, and I crushed on him all through high school and college. So now, I am sitting here pondering if it is too late to rekindle a long lost lust, or if it is possible to rekindle something that was never kindled.
Until Next Time,
Kiki
